Waiting for Geoff

There was a time when my son Geoff was very young, I felt very overwhelmed with the thoughts of what would happen to him when I was not around anymore. Who would look after him, cook his favorite food, understand what he was saying, all of those worrying things?

Well, when you are told that your child will not do what every other child does, like sit up, crawl, walk, speak, until a lot later, or maybe not at all, those thoughts of what can happen when you are no longer around, become very real. Geoff has Down syndrome, he is thirty-six now.

So how do you navigate around in a world that is full of woe, stories of difficulties, and what your child cannot do, without being depressed yourself? Well, the only reply I can give is ‘with difficulty’!

I am so fortunate that I have a good support network, of family, and friends around me and they say the best supporters are other parents, those we met through Special Olympics clubs, 'they' are so right!

Fortunately, everything we were told about Geoff didn't happen according to the reports. He did walk and talk a little later than his three older siblings, but he could do many things that were not expected of him. 

Did we think he would ever wear an Ireland strip and represent his country in basketball in Abu Dhabi, of all places? You better believe we did not. But waiting for him that's the one! We waited for him to sit up, walk, and talk, we waited for him to be included, and that one was the most arduous of all, being included. He was integrated, but not included for lots of his early school life! How about that one? It broke my heart. Believing in him and having hope that someday he would be able to enjoy and have a good life was our wish for him from the day he was born.

Now he is working in two little jobs, doing courses that work on his personal development and independent living skills (and most of all being included). Who would have thought that!! Although he tells me that he has no intention of ever moving out of home! That statement creates a lot of sadness within me, but I am doing my best to manage my feelings around it so that he can feel safe and secure about himself.

Lots of you who are parents of adults with additional needs know exactly what I mean! We spend a great deal of time managing things, money, time, and feelings!! It's the feelings though that seem to matter the most, isn't it? They set the trajectory for the day, for the week, for always! I am very aware of how important it is to manage my behavior around my feelings.

In the beginning, I used to feel angry about that. Why am I not allowed to have an ‘off day’ everyone else can? People with additional needs pick up non-verbal energy very quickly and sometimes get confused and react accordingly.

So here we are back in that toolbox again. The one with all the little tips and techniques to help us regulate our emotions to demonstrate more appropriate behaviour. It is exhausting sometimes but very rewarding.

I am so grateful that I have lots of training and life experiences that help me through this time of transition, new beginnings, and the cocktail of emotions that come with it.

Geoff's birth into our family introduced me to the world of holistic living. Did I even dare to think back then that I would have a long successful career as a holistic practitioner & tutor and help many clients just like me, searching and waiting for things to change?

But the waiting continues, it used to be about walking, talking, and becoming reasonably independent, but now it is about processing information and looking to the future for what it may hold for him.

Being patient and learning to wait are my biggest lessons ever and I am still learning!