Control or Charge?

Control or Charge? Knowing the Difference Can Change Everything

There’s a subtle but powerful distinction between taking charge and being controlling. At first glance, they might look similar—both involve leadership, decision-making, and a sense of direction. But the energy behind them and the impact they have on those around us couldn’t be more different.

Taking charge is rooted in responsibility. It’s about stepping up with clarity and confidence when leadership is needed. Whether it's in a family, a friendship, or a team setting, taking charge means you’re creating structure, offering guidance, and providing a steady hand. You hold the vision, set the context, and help others navigate toward a shared goal. There’s room for collaboration, input, and growth.

On the other hand, being controlling often stems from fear—fear of the unknown, fear of being wrong, or fear of things falling apart. It involves micromanaging, directing others' choices, and needing things to go your way. When we're controlling, we tend to limit others’ autonomy and silence their contributions, often without realizing it.

The difference shows up in the little things:

• Taking charge: "Here's the plan. What do you think would work best for your role?"

• Being controlling: "I need you to do it this way—don't change it."

Being in charge is empowering—for you and those around you. Being controlling is exhausting, and over time, it breaks trust and stifles connection.

So the next time you're in a leadership moment, ask yourself: Am I creating space or closing it? Am I leading with trust or with tension?

When I work with clients who find themselves overwhelmed and stressed out, I introduce them to the ABC of stress management.

1. Awareness

2. Balance

3. Charge

   
   

Awareness of what stress is all about, then finding a balance between what has already been happening in their lives and what negative behaviours can be eliminated. Then we are on to take charge, taking charge of their health and wellbeing by making sure they are changing behaviours, having regular treatments, and eating well.

Taking charge leads to progress. Being controlling often leads to resistance.

And the world needs more leaders who know the difference.